The Beginnings

We start, strangley enough, in the thirty point four chapter in the saga of the Eurpithicans, of which there was actually only one (We tend to confuse things with lots of numbers. Eurpithicans only counted to three - anything more was know simply known as many.)

It was here that the Eurpithicans first discovered the law of "am there", and they therefore became more peaceful and present than the Orpithicans, who were always attempting to be in a different place (an "or" place) than they actually were - very strange.

From this peacful new beginning, it was told that a tribemember of the Eurpithicans, with the greatest Jaw power, would venture forth into the vast unknown plains and with his great foreteeth he would crack the "Nut of Knowledge".

That tribesman became the father of our society. Today modern "intellectuals" refer to his fossilized scull as Eurillica. However, his real name was EURPITHICA! He earned the right to have his name be the same as his tribe. Anthropoligists believed that their Eurillica scull came from the head of a male of some lineage of the human and ape species. Little did they know he was much more evolved than they are. In fact, he traveled through time to the future and dug up his own fossiled scull so the modern intellectuals could easily find it!

If "Eurillica" would visit the finders of his scull again, he would do the Eurpithican equivalent of throwing a pie in their faces. He would coof up a wad a pre-chewed savanna grass and unexpectantly hurl it into so called intellectuals' faces. Because those intellectuals mis-pronounced his name as Eurillica, although he was truly amazed at what sort of luck and magic could have made them guess so close to his actual name, EURPITHICA.

Furthermore, he spews fluids and pseudo solids out of every one of his other orifices in total dismay of the lower level of intelligence ehibited by so called modern man. For EUR, who knows the ways of the universe and its magic, we seem like disconnected and destructive, blind children.

EUR the magical and wise time travler

Every time EUR returns back to his time - 2,500,000 BC - he boroughs his head under a cheetah pillow that his cousin Willybo made for him in the time of the great invasion of the mad toads. He boroughs his head because he is so sad of what his species will turn into. EUR's great pain for his species is a deep personal problem and it is worsened since he can't communicate it to his tribe - they have no written language and the beautiful, optimistic and intricate grunts and moans of his people fall short of expressing his in-depth knowledge of such depressing issues as social degradation and de-evolution.

He sometimes thinks about the way he travels through time and laughs at how amazed his modern cousins would be at his time-traveling "technology". The only thing a modern person would see is a device made of African Watawa Translucent Cattails (now-extinct) woven all together into a circular fashion. Modern man would see none of their hi-tech gadgets and disregard his organic-based technology as nothing or maybe something that should be burned or sold to some old white people at a Southwestern American gift shop.

They would not see the true power of his technology, which works through the Watawa sphere, many prayers, much fasting and the eating of the root of Uhuhh only at the end of the middle season and only when the solar energy is aligned to form a circular rainbow in the mists of a cloud bank on the top of the mountain with the many peaks. It is at that tremendous moment in which Eur sees his shadow within the rainbow and connects to the soul of the universe and slips effortlessly along all continuum.

The Formation of the Eurpithican Society (a non-prophet organization)

At once without speaking, Eur was able to convey incredible truths to a couple of his modern cousins, who happened to be on the mountain with many peaks looking into the same circular rainbow from the another end of the time continuum. He told them that his real name was not Eurillica but EURPITHICA and that his people come from the great plains of EURPITHICA and that his cousins should form a society and that its name should be the EURPITHICAN society and it should fly in the face of the ways of so-called modern man. It should construct ironic messages that make the blind child to look at its own insanity and greed. The society should "clean house" by starting over with new rentable religions and they should sell outright existing non-indigenous religions' metaphors and idols.

With that the EURPITHICAN society was formed and the saga continues . . .

In Closing

May the root of the Watawa be with you and may its transparent reeds clear your soul - and may the little insects that eat the Watawanian reeds also pick small holes in the eyelids of all your enemeys but then after your enemies have suffered appropriately may at least some of those insects consider patching up those holes with the healing clay of the lower reaches of the Eurpithican valley.

Other stuff

We need the not for profit-prophet oxymoron verbiage and image. Eur would be proud, a tear might form in his eye - like those commercials from a long time ago when an Indian would cry over roadside litter.

The lowest rent religion is free . . . mark this day on the tablets of Johnaa. What an awakening. May the sun shine on all areas that you grace as a humble unpretenious and FREE prophet

We need a whole line of rentable religions - all proceeds have to be diverted to a real non-profit however. In addition to renting and people can get do it yourself kits and inflatable popes. WE NEED A STORE FRONT. remember we were gonna set up a booth on the ASU campus but now we have the WEB!!

We should probably tie in somehow that Europe was in someway named after Eur. Ha Ha

Go with Godess man and may the winds of change - change. And the winds of stillness be still. May all these things that appear to be as they are, jus be what they are - and no matter where you are, may you always be there.

Good Bye is actually an abbreviation for God be with you - Remember God is good, and Bye has no ties to Latin or any other language because it is not a word - it is phonetic abbreviation for Be With You. Finally look at other ways people say good bye - Via Con Dios(Espanol) - Go in Beauty(Navajo) - Go with God(English) - Gaaah(Eurpithican)

Some Eurpithicans are actuall born again pagans and say Godesses Be With You.

Below are sounds (grunts and moans) made by Eurpithicans - From the power of there jaws would come relatively brief yet intricate sounds - each sound conveying as much meaning as an entire page of modern text!!!!

neeehmablahtaha.

oohngojaamatawwhuna

octohammagummaithakka

 

The thirty point fourth chapter of the saga of the Eurpithicans, of which there was only one.

For it was told in those days that only the tribemember with the greatest Jaw power could venture forth into the vast unknown territory and crack the Nut of Knowledge with his great foreteeth, thus becoming wise and also really cool at the same time.

 

It was the eurpithicans who first discovered the law of am there, and they therefore became more peaceful and philosophical than the orpithicans, who were always attempting to be in a different place than they actually were.

Very Strange.

neeehmablahtaha - means .......

oohngojaamatawwhuna means .......

octohammagummaithakka means .......

• Did you never know that you're my zero?
  
  You're nothing I wish I couldn't be
  
  I can fly lower than a beagle
  
  You're like da mud beneath my boot.
  
  OK lets take a look at this song through 5th World eyes.
  
  In the first line "Did you never know that you're my zero?" is much better than the heavy, groping statement "Did you ever know that you're my hero?" How western can you be? Always trying to get somewhere or be as good as this person or that. What about the wonderful unpredictability of becoming anything or nothing. To be someone's zero means that you give him or her the space to go anywhere or nowhere - positive or negative - whatever they need or want to do. I personally would much rather be someone's zero than their hero. And as you clowns know, everything comes from nothing. Long live zero medicine!!!
  
  The second line "You're nothing I wish I couldn't be" is much better than "You're everything I wish I could be." - get a life. If you're constantly trying to be someone else you're never gonna be yourself. And furthermore, what about the wonderful uniqueness which is you! We need diversity and characters that explore their own path and mythology, and being - nothing that you wish you couldn't be - is a double negative, Zen-zero statement that leaves you open to everything!
  
  The third line is "I can fly lower than a beagle." Well beagles, as you know, don't fly. Or do you know? Perhaps when beagles fly, they fly to infinity. Which is much better than "flying higher than an eagle." If you only fly higher than an eagle that means that you'll never touch the ground, and as we shall see the ground is very important. If you fly lower than a beagle, then you can fly from infinity to the ground.
  
  In the third line "You're like da mud beneath my boot," be sure to draw out the word "boot" a little. Now to be the mud or ground beneath one's boot is awesome. Mud is big time zero medicine - womb of the earth - where all life comes from. "The wind beneath the wings" is fine and good, but without the mud you ain't got life. Where do the seeds grow and the animals walk and where do the birds land when the almighty wind beneath their wings stops blowing!
  
  Thank you,